Rocksteady, run!

A couple of years ago I tried to enlist a friend to be my running partner. He was clever and self-deprecating and had just finished his first 5K. I liked his style: For the final kilometer, he ran with a lit cigarette in his mouth. When I asked him to run with me, he laughed and assented and then told me, in kind of an off-handed way, that I was probably pretty fun to run with. "I bet you run just like a rhino with a ponytail," he said.

At first, my feelings were hurt. I imagined myself as Rocksteady, the miniboss from that impossible Nintendo game. He's easy to beat. You just play as Donatello, stand on top of the box, and bo-staff the hell out of him as he butts his head mindlessly against the wall:

Sad times, right? Who wants to be Rocksteady? He's heavy and dumb and, if you look closely, he's got an awful case of cankles. The problem is, though, that my jerkface friend was right. I do run like a rhino. But now I try to think of myself as "single-minded" rather than "stupid." And what do I do when I hit a wall? Why, I back right up and then hit that fucker again.

Which brings me to where I am now. I said I'd update this blog every day, but I'm revising that to "Tuesdays and Thursdays, or when I'm sick of playing Fruit Ninja." I said I'd work hard to get some daily exercise, but I felt totally justified taking three days off after a marathon weekend of championship kickball. So what did I manage to do? How am I planning to break through this particular wall? Well, I enlisted myself a motivational coach in the form of my loving and supportive partner, who is now at liberty to say things like "wow, you sure did eat a lot of ice cream today" and "go run. You can do it. It's only 93 degrees. You're not going to die."

To be honest, I assumed I'd appreciate his encouragement a little more.  For one thing, I'm pretty sure I will actually die if I go outside. On the other hand, I feel like it might be worth it just for the sympathy I'd get if I did keel over.

At least no one's gonna hit me with a bo staff.